see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
