You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Never let your siblings swipe right.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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