Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
We left the knife in your bed.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
