hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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