may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
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