Already got asked if we're dating
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
