the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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