tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
