I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
