I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
50% drunk capacity currently
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
