Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
