You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Randomize
