Your face is a jimmy john
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
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