does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
