I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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