It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
