he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
