At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
