White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
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