Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
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