Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
