I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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