Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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