I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I understand Curling. That high.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
