i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
