I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
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