She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
We have so much sex to catch up on
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
