I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
