Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
