i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
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