If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
