I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I just found puke in my bra..
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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