Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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