she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
