my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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