So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Randomize
