Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
