I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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