So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
