Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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