if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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