I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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