GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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