Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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