Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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