to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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