yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
