:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
