Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
