i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
