either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
