I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
