Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
