Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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